Teen Gets 8 Years For Giving Toddler Pot

This guy took being the 'cool uncle' way too far.

This guy is now going to jail for 8 years!!! 8 years of his life in exchange for a few laughs while he and his buddy were stoned.

That, my friends, blows.

Of course, the reason he was caught in the first place was because the cops were at his house investigating a robbery he was suspected in, so odds are he was ending up in jail anyway.

Now, here’s the kicker. I searched YouTube in the hopes of finding a video of the incident. I came up empty, but to my surprise there was ANOTHER video of two teenagers getting a toddler to smoke weed.



Just business as usual at the trailer park, I suppose. You talk about a shitty way of getting caught: the dude sells his camcorder to a pawn shop a year later and forgets to delete the footage. Ouch...

-Kobes

A Yankees Fan's Take on: The Rivalry

I hate to say I told you so... but I did say it. In 2004, the worst thing that can or will ever happen to a sports fan happened to me. Of course we all know that I am talking about the Red Sox coming back from down 3-0 to defeat the Yankees in the ALCS. This was also the last time I ever experienced the emotion known as anger. I have not been angry since because I have not been able to. In South Park, Cartman once blew a funny fuse, claiming that seeing people with asses for faces were the funniest thing he was ever going to see, and therefore could not laugh. The 2004 ALCS was the most enfuriating thing I will ever experience and therefore I cannot express rage. Getting back to the first line of the blog and what I had predicted; at one point during that series after I had destroyed my room and threw around my couch like it was a shot-put, I went into my dorm's common room, amidst the droves of "Red Sox fans" (I put Red Sox fans in quotes because it was mostly bandwagon jumpers, fairweather fans, or Mets fans. After all, rooting for the Red Sox and against the Yankees was the trendy thing to do at the time and I apparently had been associating with sheep rather than free-thinking independent individuals) and said "just wait... if the Red Sox win this thing, their fans will be much worse than Yankees fans could ever be. The Red Sox winning this would be a terrible terrible thing. most of you will hate them within 2 years." Low and behold, the Red Sox gaytion (see what I did there?) has swept the nation and infested every visiting city far worse than Yankees fans ever will. Alleged Red Sox fans have been coming out of the woodwork. There can only be two possible causes to this sudden outbreak of Red Sox nation:

1) People who didn't really follow baseball, who may have either been from New England or know a person or animal or have ever been to New England, suddenly became a diehard Red Sox fan because they were finally good.

2) Hypnosis. Its simple really, you're a baseball fan in Flint, MI but not really particularly loyola to any team. Despite Flint being particularly close to Detroit, where the Tigers play, you walk into a local convenience store, and see a display of Red Sox hats and keychains. Wait a minute, you think, I must be supposed to like them. I'm nowhere near Boston, yet there's a ton of Boston merchandise here, it must be a sign from God. Not once does this fan begin to think it might be Satan who is behind this charade. Whatever dark force is behind this attempt to capture the mind's of unsuspecting passers-by, recently tried to brainwash me, IN NEW YORK OF ALL PLACES! I was strolling around the grocery store, in the produce section, when I see a display of Boston Red Sox peanuts. Naturally, I was baffled. It wasn't until about 30 seconds later that I realized that there were not any Yankees peanuts. The store hadn't bothered. Such is life though.

I am writing this entry because the Yankees and Red Sox are beginning a 3-game series at Fenway tonight, and with one hell of a pitching matchup at that: Joba Chamberlain vs. Josh Beckett. The season series at this moment is 5-4 Red Sox. I expect this series to be very memorable and hopefully ignite a shift in the balance of power in favor of the Yankees.

I also would like to take this opportunity to urde those of you who might comment on this blog that I understand that this is a very biased opinion, one that only a Yankees fan would share. It is simply a look into my world as Yankees fan since that horrible week in 2004 when my sports world was turned upside down. Thanks for listening...

-Carm

P.S. Beating New England in the Super Bowl and spoiling their perfect season has managed to soothe a good amount of the pain.

The Flow's Adventures in Nostalgia #1: Mousetrap

I’m sure everyone remembers this sucka from the early 90’s.

To be perfectly honest I don’t remember how you play, all I remember is being letdown time and time again by this monstrosity.

Setting up the actual Mousetrap took a good ten minutes, though I admit, it is an impressive sight to behold once you’re done. I guarantee they had a lot of fun thinking this thing up.

Anyway, when I played this I was about 5-years-old so, as I mentioned, the specific rules are a bit fuzzy. However, I do know that once you reached the end it took an obnoxiously long time to finally finish. It seemed like no matter how far in the lead you were the game inevitably ended with all players having a shot at winning. Of course, I used to play with my older cousins so God knows if they were being legit with the rules since I was to dumb to know otherwise.

So after what seems like an eternity you finally get to release the Mousetrap which is what you’ve been waiting for all game. And here comes the disappointment. Did you notice in the commercial when the creepy looking cartoon cat sings “knock the marble right down the shoot. Now watch it roll, hit the pole, and knock the man in the rub-a-dub-tub?” My ass! Without fail every single freaking time I played that part would never work correctly. Maybe my game was defective or maybe it wasn’t aligned correctly. I don’t know what it was, but I do know that we would manually have to get the diver to perform the most spastic dive known to man… Thornton Melon he ain’t.

As far as board games go, Mousetrap was all hype and as anticlimactic as it got. Though if nothing else, while searching for the Mousetrap commercial I found the following video which almost makes all those wasted hours worth it…



-Kobes

Chimp Tries to Make a Run for It

Chimp in Daring Zoo Break-Out

ICHIRO! July 23rd - At the Ishikawa Zoo in western Japan a 42 year old chimpanzee named Ichiro valiantly tried to escape from captivity. He was almost successful, as the video shows, but eventually his captors were able to lure him with a banana and tranquilize him. Chimps are no joke, believe you me. I don't know this from experience or biological statistics, but I heard they are like 12X stronger then humans. I read this one story (in the Washington Post) about two years ago about a couple who rescued a female baby chimp and raised it in their home. Eventually after like 15 years the chimp got too aggressive, and needed a real habitat to live in, so the couple gave the chimp to a wildlife refuge that had other full grown chimpanzees. The couple kept in touch with the chimp and went for occasional visits. A year went by and the couple goes to celebrate the chimps birthday. They have a cake and balloons, the whole bit. They even got to go to a secure area of the refuge where they could have a picnic and play with their chimp. Unknowns to them, two full grown male chimps had escaped from their cages on the other side of the refuge. So all of a sudden these two huge chimps show up and start to freak out when they see the humans. The female chimp grabs the women and throws her under a table and tries to protect her. Meanwhile, the male chimps are literally ripping the man limb from limb. First they ripped of his testicles, then they tore the muscle right of the bone of his ass and chest. Obviously the man died, but the female chimp fought back to protect the woman, and lost her life doing so. The grounds keepers got there just in time to shoot the chimps and save the woman. Crazy huh? Its great that the female chimp tried to save her human parents, but this is why you don't fuck with animals. So its no surprise to see that little Japanese guy freak out once the chimp grabs his gun. You can see it in his face as he peers over that ledge that he knows hes in way over his head. I wish Ichiro could've handled that gun and blown those guys away. If chimps have almost the same life expectancy as humans, and can learn sign language and shit, you know they can handle a weapon. Everyone knows how to shoot a gun, and he has probably seen a gun be used hundreds of times. Personally I'm disappointed. I'm sure hes regretting that delicious banana now.

- Carl

P.S. This is the story. Not Exactly how I remembered it, but whatever.

The Flow Review of "Giant: Road to the Super Bowl" by Plaxico Burress

Here are some thoughts on Plaxico Burress’ new book “Giant: The Road to the Super Bowl".

- It should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever heard Plax talk that he did not write the book himself. It was ghost written by Jason Cole who acknowledges at the end that he interviewed Burress for hours on end and then produced the book. No big deal since this is usually the case with celebrity biographies.

- Similar to Strahan’s book, which was ghost-written by Jay Glazer, Cole goes out of his way to make the words sound as if they are coming out of Plax’s mouth verbatim. He did a pretty good job based on the number of times he wrote “so then I was like to the guy ‘how you gonna play me like that’” or “that’s just how it was in my neighborhood, you got your ass beat for shit like that.” Overall, I found the tone to be pretty good and preferred the authentic nature of them.

- Other than the dialogue, it’s much different than Strahan’s book. Burress biography reads as a straight biography, documenting his life from childhood, to college, to the pros. It follows this order and then throws in chapters on specific people like his mother, Eli, Shockey and Coughlin. In contrast, Strahan’s book was more about taking you inside life in the NFL where he talks about rookie hazing, the injuries, trash-talking, getting tickets on the road and what its like to play on Sunday.

- It was amazing to read about how much Burress went through last year to play. The ankle injury he got in Week 2 took the ligament off the bone. Then when he slipped in the shower before the Super Bowl he said he could barely walk and had a shoulder injury on top of this. It’s no wonder we Giant fans love the guy so much.

Overall, it was a very good read that I went through in about 4 days on the train. I wish I could have heard more about life in the NFL like in Strahan’s book, but the parts Plax included about his childhood in the mean streets of Virginia made up for this. The stuff about the Super Bowl was amazing as he described how after the Patriots took the lead they started inviting the Giants to their after-party. He also has a nice write-up on how the miracle catch couldn’t have happened to a better person than David Tyree.

Overall: Highly recommended if you’re a Giants fan. Recommended if you’re a football fan.

Here are some tidbits from the book:

- Plax kills his old Michigan State head coach Nick Saban for losing his temper with players in public settings. He said for this reason Saban will never be a successful NFL coach.

- Bill Cowher on the other hand looks like a million bucks. He is described as a straight-shooter who expects the same in return.

- Coughlin doesn’t get nearly as much love as he did in Strahan’s book. “He has rules and you need to follow them,” were Plax’s main sentiments.

- A part I found funny was Burress describing how he got ready before the NFC Championship in Green Bay. Remember in Cool Runnings when the Jamaicans get to Canada and Sanka runs inside and puts on every article of clothing he has? It was pretty much like that.

- Plax loves Eli and talks a lot about what a prankster he is. He said one time Eli painted the O-line’s shoes hot purple. Another time he wiped his bare ass on Plax’s face towel which Plax used 5 minutes later.

- Burress goes on for a few pages about how so many players have kids that they pay child support for. This leads to a classic line in the book where he says “I know this one guy who has so many kids that after he pays child support he is only making $80,000-$90,000 a week. It’s killing him.”

Wow…

-Kobes

A Disturbing New Trend

I received an email today that contained this picture:


I was both shocked and terrified. However this picture got me wondering if this was the next great congratulatory movement in sports. Think about the first guy that ever got a firm palm on his ass after hitting a home run. I bet he knocked the slapper out. However, many more questionable characters in various league dugouts figured this was their only chance to get some hand to ass time and before we knew it, the ass slap was expected as payment for a good play. While these two fine gentlemen did not start this trend… (Credit Brady Quinn)


They were the first to implement this move into an actual game setting. Before these two bold gentlemen showed their affection in public, a move like this was just used in practice, or South Bend social settings.

Regardless, we may be witnessing the dawning of a new era in sports. One in which grabbing a guys ass just doesn’t quite tell him how pumped up you are. No, pretty soon if you really want to show him you are a good teammate you grab his cock.

Enough! I mean, how far does this go? In 2020 are we going to see players getting blown after a diving catch? This isn’t the California PENAL league. Slap your teammate on the ass, and wait until you get in the locker room to grab shaft.

-Reed

NFC Preview: Giants amongst 'Boys

The 2008 NFL Season is a mere 6 weeks away, and I for one am getting tired of waiting. It should come as no surprise that I have been spending my spare time (100% of my time) developing a season preview. The Giants finished last year on a 10 game road-winning streak (11 if you count the Super Bowl) en route to a miraculous Super Bowl victory. Entering this season, the media have very little expectations of the Giants, probably less than any Super Bowl Champion in recent memory, besides the Steelers after Big Ben's motorcycle accident. Will the Giants experience a hangover of sorts and fold to the highly touted Cowboys? Read on.

The Flow's Official 2008 NFC Preview:

NFC East

1. Giants

The Giants come into the season with a lot of questions. Fortunately for them every question starts with "How are they gonna replace..." I don't think personnel will cause any problems with the Giants and I can assure you that GM Jerry Reese and Coach Tom Coughlin are not concerned at all. They showed during their run last year that they are a very deep and resilient team, and I don't expect them to come into the season flat as was the case last year. Throw in the added benefit of a relatively easy non-division schedule, and I expect this team to finish 11-5 or 12-4.

2. Cowboys

The Dallas Cowboys and the national media would be mortified if the Cowboys do not finish in 1st place this season and obtain home-field advantage. They also have a relatively easy non-division schedule, and I fully expect the Cowboys to be neck-and-neck with the Giants in the standings the entire season. The Cowboys are team (it might be wishful thinking) that can be extremely vulnerable to an injury at any one of several key positions. I don't see them as a deep team by any means. Tony Romo has shown that he can compile stats during the regular season, and orchestrate impressive drives while doing so, but when push comes to shove, he has folded. I see 11 or 12 wins for the 'Boys as well.

3. Redskins

The key to the Redskins season is how much the team buys into Zorn's new system. Jason Campbell showed promise early on last year, and Todd Collins led the team to the playoffs after Campbell succumbed to injury. The starting job is Campbell's this year and the offense will go as he goes. His level of play will dictate whether the Redskins are a 6-win team or a 10-win team. I think they'll finish somewhere in between. Let's say 9-7.

4. Eagles

The Eagles are getting a lot of buzz this year to be the dark horse in the NFC. Let me put that notion to rest using nonviolent resistance. Over the past decade, the Eagles experienced great success in making it to 4 straight NFC title games, and then experienced a fall from grace. This has been directly related to Donovan McNabb's level of play/health. I don't think anyone expects Donovan McNabb to be anything but a shell of his former self. I think Harvey Dent said it best when he opined "you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." That certainly is true with sports heroes in Philadelphia. The first bad game Donovan McNabb has, he'll be run out of town. Then what? That leaves Brian Westbrook as the sole offensive threat. I'm also not under the same spell most of the country is under that Asante Samuel is going to transform the Eagles defense into a powerhouse. The Eagles don't make it to 6 wins.

NFC North

1. Vikings

I'm not sippin' the Vikings Kool-Aid as much as Joe Sportswriter, but I do pick them to win their division, if for nothing else but the lack of talented NFC North teams. The addition of Jared Allen on defense has been a little overhyped and I think it is a move the Vikings will regret in the long run. I don't remember the correct writer to cite but there was an article on how Jared Allen brings a clash of styles to the Vikings defense. I don't expect him to be the type of impact player he was on the Chiefs. The way they run, and the way they stop the run should make the Vikings at least a 9 win team. I'll say 10.

2. Packers

I have tried not to mention Brett Favre in this article, but how can I not when talking about the Packers. I really feel for the Green Bay fans, although my condolences mean the same as the previous 17 years of Favre's career will should he keep up this nonsense: nothing. What Favre is doing to those thousands upon thousands who idolized him is akin to if Allah appeared before all the worshipping Muslims and says that he wants to be traded to Christianity. Despite this drama, the Packers should still be a middle-of-the-pack team due in large part to their solid defense. Look for the Pakcers to finish at around 8-8.

3. Bears

Lovie Smith strikes me as some sort of priest or pastor who keeps telling his parishioners to "Have faith in your quarterback (Orton/Grossman/whoever), for he will lead us to the Promised Land." In the end, it's like any religion, not so much faith, with a whole lotta prayin'. They need to go after a playmaking, efficient qb, or at least acknowledge that Sexy Rexy and Vile Kyle ain't their saviors. Good defense, but no offense. 6 wins, 7 tops.

4. Lions

Last year the Lions were the surprise team of the first-half in all the NFL. The second-half wasn't so surprising. After starting the season 6-2, they finished 8-8. Which is still twice as many wins as anyone expected them to have. The lone bright spot on this team should be the continued improvement of Calvin Johnson. It's amazing that the Lions keep drafting these wideouts, and then immediately shift thier personnel focus to defense (evidence of said focus nonexistent) without ever imagining that they might need to surround these skilled receivers with a quarterback and a running game. The Detroit Lions are a bad team and a bad franchise. They'll be back to their losing ways this year at 4-12.

NFC South

1. Saints

This has less to do with the Shockey trade, and more to do with my belief that last season was a fluke. With the return of Deuce McAllister, Reggie Bush should be more free to do what he does best. Shockey should certainly impact this offense for the better, giving Brees yet another option. This Saints defense has never impressed but I expect it to make some improvement keyed by the addition of Jonathan Vilma and rookie Sedrick Ellis. Combine these factors with a schedule that is laughably easy, and the Saints should be looking at a 12 or 13 win season. How did they get such an easy schedule one might ask? Its clear they had a mole working for them.

2. Buccaneers

When conducting research in preparation for this preview, the Bucs were easily the most intriguing NFC team. I want to believe that last season's division title was a result of a weak division and overachievement, but the more I look at this team, the better they get. They should look to use a triumverate of running backs in Cadillac Williams, Ernest Graham, and the returning Warrick Dunn. Jon Gruden is one of the few coaches in the NFL I trust to use his players well and it should be interesting to see him use these 3 rushers. Jeff Garcia has always proved to be a capable QB and a proverbial thorn in my side. The Bucs may well be one of the deepest teams in the NFL. Combine this with a defense that is always solid, and the Bucs are starting to look like a 10-win wild-card team.

3. Panthers

With the exception of Mike Nolan and Lane Kiffin, John Fox has the least job security right now as far as head coaches go in the NFL. The Panthers have been underachievers ever since their Super Bowl loss to the New England Patriots following the 2003 season. Despite the depth in their running game, and the continued improvement by Steve Smith, I expect this team to falter. John Fox has the reputation of a defensive mastermind, but the Panthers defense has been less effective each season since their NFC championship season. I think the Panthers are a 7-win team.

4. Falcons

Poor Art Blank. Michael Vick was once his dream player. Now its a stretch for Mr. Blank to dream of Vick working for him at Home Depot (Blank owns Home Depot... necessary info for that joke to land). Couple that with the sudden departure of Bobby Petrino, and you got yourself some serious scorn. The only things to watch for in Atlanta is the play of new additions Michael Turner and rookie Matt Ryan who can probably afford to buy the team. This team has probably given up on competing for the next 3 years. I can guarantee that of all the scouting departments in the NFL, the Falcons have the busiest. They are a shoe-in for a top-2 pick in the 2009 NFL draft. I can see the Falcons winning 2 games.

NFC West

1. Seahawks (sigh)

For years, I have been waiting for someone to steal this division from Seattle. Years have passed, 4 for those who are scoring at home, and no one has been able to dethrone them. Unfortunately for the millions who annually pick the Cardinals to be a sleeper powerhouse, this ain't that magic year. The Seahawks obviously have lost a lot in Shaun Alexander, but I can reason that they have actually upgraded at the running back position. The "Swawks" managed to take this division last year while Shaun Alexander was rendered ineffective. There is no reason to think a healthy Julius Jones isn't better than Alexander at 40% and Maurice Morris at 140%. Not too many changes elsewhere with the Seahawks. Their defense continues to get better, Holmgren continues to eat, and Qwest Field continues to pump illegal crowd noise. Oh, and the Seahawks continue their dominance over the NFC West with a 10-6 season.

2. Cardinals

The Cardinals are another one of those teams that could be a much different story if someone decided to step up at QB. I am willing to risk my reputation by asserting that this ain't that year. Kurt Warner is a good quarterback but the Cardinals clearly do not want him starting or else he would be. Leinart has been very inefficient and looks like he gets rattled very easily. The poor passer performance (say that 5 times fast) is even more pathetic considering that the Cardinals easily have the best 1-2 punch at wide receiver. If someone steps up, this could be a dangerous offense, and my reputation will be thoroughly soiled. I give the Cards 8 wins, maybe 9.

3. Rams

The Rams 3-13 2007 season was not indicative of the talent the team has. Should Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger stay healthy season-long, the Rams could be a dark horse to contend for a playoff spot. Based on recent history, that is a big "if." I think the Rams probably made the worst pick in the 1st round of the draft in selecting Chris Long. The defense should probably improve upon last year's dreadful performance with or without Long. I expect the injuries to come, and Scott Linehan to be a scapegoat. Barring a clean bill of health, I'll say the Rams will probably only amount 6 wins.

4. 49ers

Last, and thanks to the Falcons, not least. I have grown to like Mike Nolan's sense of style, which is why I will miss him when he is fired after the 49ers 2-8 start this year. Their QB situation couldn't get worse if Mike Nolan ditched the Armani suit for some shoulderpads and took the helm. The defense has the potential to be above-average at best. I think Frank Gore might start to feel the hits this season. I have no hope for this 49ers team. Anything more than 5 wins would be a miracle.

I am going to predict my playoff matchups, but I will not predict the outcomes until after my AFC preview. So here we go...

(1) Saints 13-3 BYE

(2) Giants 12-4 BYE

(3) Vikings 10-6 vs. (6) Buccaneers 10-6

(4) Seahawks 10-6 vs. (5) Cowboys 11-5

There she is, and keep an eye out for my AFC preview...

-Carm