I strove to see more movies, at home and in the theater, in 2011 than I had in any other year previous. And I watched a bona fide bounty of films. The best: a glued-to-the-screen re-watch of 2009's Inglorious Basterds and 2010's The King's Speech, The worst: you'll see in a few paragraphs. In fact, I watched over 30 movies that were released in 2011. As the movies piled up, naturally I compared one to the other to the other. And so goes the inception of the 1st Annual CARMY Awards (p.s. I hated Inception).
Unsurprisingly, the CARMYs come with a big-nosed disclaimer. First, obviously the only movies ranked are the movies I actually saw (sorry Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son fans). Second, this is very much a subjective list.
Let's get into the logistics of this multiple-part article. I will be starting at the worst movies of the year and counting down. I will group the movies in what I feel are suitable categories (at least to start, I may scrap that gimmick sooner rather than later). The last piece will announce the nominees for the CARMY and then reveal who's taking home the sweetest statue in entertainment today....
WORST MOVIES OF 2011
Movies that I Saw about 50% of and Then Didn't Want to See Anymore
Unknown
I loooooove Liam Neeson. I have had an unnatural affinity for him since I saw him play the lead of The Crucible on Broadway. I shit you not when I say that the crowd went nuts when the man took his shirt off, or at least I remember it that way. Anyway, Unknown was boring and lazy. A movie that is supposed to be a mystery/thriller fails when it can't keep my attention until the end. That I checked out about halfway-in is all the more telling given that I actually spent money to order this movie. If you're thinking about watching this, just watch Taken instead, even if you've seen it 50 times, because that movie rocks cocks.
Gulliver's Travels
Another guy I like: Jack Black. His role in Saving Silverman built up a whole mess of goodwill with me. But the dude needs to reboot his career ASAP. The decision to take top billing in this movie was... uninspired? And what in god's name were Jason Segel and Emily Blunt doing in this shit? Did they lose their homes in Jack Black's poker game?
I went into this movie with zero expectations, which is why I made it as far as I did. I'm ashamed to say that about 30% in I said, out loud, that Gulliver's Travels was "watchable." I think I even laughed a couple of times. But, things went sour very, very fast.
Just Go With It
Someone who has run out of goodwill: Adam Sandler. Seriously, when was his last good movie? This movie is just terrible, terrible fare. It is exactly what I expected, shit. 'Nuff said.
Absolute Trainwrecks, 'cept You Definitely Should Look Away
Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon
I've reviewed this movie earlier this year on the blog. I'll spare your eyes and say nothing more than this was unequivocally, without a doubt, the WORST movie of 2011, and is quite possibly the 2nd-worst of the millenium behind only Transformers 2: The Joke's On You.
Green Lantern
Notice how this photo days "entertainment" in the background? I guess they were being ironic. For a movie about a superhero who is part of an intergalactic police force and who can manifest anything he imagines, Green Lantern was boring as shit.
***SPOILER ALERT**** Don't read ahead if you like to go in fresh, but I don't think I spoil anything major.
The first rule in any handbook about making movies should definitely be "don't hire Blake Lively." She is just a dull, dead-eyed, somnambulist who brings no emotion to any scene... none. In fact, no actor in this movie appears to be trying and some of the heat has to fall on director Martin Campbell, who until this stinkbomb had a pretty good track record, including GoldenEye and The Mask of Zorro. But I'll cut him some slack because he had nothing to work with.
One of my biggest pet peeves in 2011 is that the same archetype characters who were the villains in '80s and 90's movies - the snarky, rich, great-looking, arrogant, popular guys - have become our protagonists. Indeed, Ryan Reynolds' Hal Jordan is a cocky, test pilot (only the most awesome job this side of "fleshlight tester"), with an amazing apartment right by the beach with a half-Asian roommate, and bangs any girl he wants. Ryan Reynolds might be the only person who can watch this movie and actually form an emotional connection with Hal. Movie-makers just don't seem to get that audiences need to feel something for the protagonist. The devil's advocate inside me says "but what about Bruce Wayne? You can't possibly feel for that billionaire playboy but you extoll the Batman movies, what gives?" This line of thinking fails to recognize the difference between what and who somebody is. Bruce Wayne may be a multi-billionaire, but Christopher Nolan took the time to show us in Batman Begins that after the deaths of Thomas and... Martha?... Wayne, the money, the company, everything, was meaningless to Bruce.
In fact, in Green Lantern we rarely have any clue what any character's motives are, and it's not because they are delightfully enigmatic. The worst of which has to be the post-credits scene where Sinestro - one of the main baddies in the Green Lantern universe, but a good guy in this movie - without any reason, puts on the Yellow Ring. This is a huuuuuuge missed opportunity. Why not explore Sinestro's motives for being tempted into putting on the ring?
I could go on for a very long time trashing this movie, and I likely already have, but I will stop now.
The Dilemma
I won't go on and on about this movie because honestly, it was completely forgettable. I honestly don't know what my problem was with it.
But I'm tired of writing today. Part II will include the "Lazy Retreads," "Whatever Happened to Comedies?" and more (possibly).
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